


Hate everything / yutae + dotae

by yuutazen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Dong Si Cheng | WinWin, Bottom Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Bottom Nakamoto Yuta, Break Up, Breeding, Daegal's here, I REPEAT LOVE TRIANGLE, Literally daegal, Love Triangles, M/M, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, References to Depression, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Smut, Sorry haechan, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Top Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Top Lee Taeyong, get back, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-19 05:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29994501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuutazen/pseuds/yuutazen
Summary: "We both promised forever,"but forever doesn't last long...Taeyong had a hard time facing his breakup with Yuta, and he found Doyoung. But Doyoung didn't save him, he helped him through his hard times to forget about Yuta,but Taeyong found Yuta once again.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	1. Let's skate together, shall we?

**Author's Note:**

> sheez, i've been writing short fanfics, hope this time it's long asadhcnf mistakes are all mine!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you'll notice a bunch of weird symbols here and just to clear things up, ' + ' means Taeyong's flashback and ' ++ ' is Taeyong's POV  
> it goes the same for Doyoung which is ' * ' and also Yuta ' = ' it's a bit confusing but this isn't really important because as you read, you might already know which one's POV's it is!

It’s been half a decade since the last time Taeyong met Yuta. 

He hates that he still couldn’t move his ass on. How could he leave all the bitter yet beautiful memories even after all these years he had been suffering, crying, and feeling… empty.

From all the classes they ditched for their little dates around Seoul to their kitchen fights that resulted in their days of tears, yet he still chose to live on the remaining memories of his past lover.

He had ups and downs in life, and Yuta immediately became his medicine.

And yes.

He knew he had become Yuta’s poison too.

++

Taeyong stared at the snowing sky with his air pods plugging songs inside his ears, and not just any songs;

It was his and Yuta’s favorite winter playlist. The only playlist he listens to every winter because it felt like home, 

and hell. 

“Hyung, it’s too cold, let’s get inside,” Doyoung had a worried look on his face, but god-knows if he was actually being sincere because ironically, they were in front of a fucking restaurant.

“You’re paying.” Taeyong teased, chuckling when he saw Doyoung rolling his eyes.

Both of them dated each other before, just months after the painful breakup they both had with their exes. It was just a matter of time when they became closer and developed feelings for each other. But it didn’t last long. Taeyong and Doyoung knew they were only meant to be friends from the start. They knew it was just to heal the loneliness engraved inside them. It was just… that was it. They never crossed that line.

“Wanna go there? I’m not in the mood to eat,” Taeyong pointed at a small cafe just at the end of the street with a cute pout, and Doyoung felt his chest tighten. A small part of him still loves Taeyong, dearly. They were there for each other whenever they needed someone the most, and no relationship could change the way Doyoung feels for the elder. Doyoung knows what he feels is real. 

The warmth of the cafe with the sweet scent of coffee embraced Taeyong as he walked inside the lovely cafe. He loved how waves of memories he had with Yuta would always flash into his thoughts in some particular places, even in little things, but it always felt plain and blank. Sometimes it hurts him, a little bit too hard. He’s already too tired.

Some nights he still sees Yuta’s smile, and every day he desperately wanted to dial Yuta’s number.

Every day he goes weaker even if he wanted to be strong. Strong for himself, and Doyoung too. He had his light, but alas, it went out. He wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Doyoung, who nearly lost Taeyong on that one dark night under the brightest of stars. 

*

“Hyung! Hyung, you fucking stupid fuck! Why would you do this- shit!” Doyoung carried Taeyong with tears constantly falling down his cheeks, accompanied by loud sobs falling out of his mouth. ‘How could you be so stupid to overdose yourself, there’s so much more you could live for rather than Yuta,’ Doyoung muttered as he looked at Taeyong, focusing on the elder’s face instead of the sirens that were getting louder.

Doyoung was just going out to buy groceries, and that was just it. He didn’t think any of this would happen despite him knowing that Taeyong’s mental state is already at its worst. Every night, they would cuddle on the bed, exchanging kisses while Doyoung sings the elder to sleep.

Both found peace in each other but couldn’t accept one another.

And look at Taeyong now, looking almost lifeless, slumping in Doyoung’s embrace as the other kisses him in despair.

++

They both sat next to the window sipping their coffees while staring outside with thoughts conquering their minds. 

Doyoung thinking of Taeyong,

And Taeyong, thinking of Yuta.

That’s pretty much the most simple and accurate representation of their failed relationship, but at least they’re best friends now. Doyoung knows this is what both of them needed. At least, for now.

“Doyoung-ah,” Taeyong spoke, breaking the deafening, yet comfortable silence while looking right into Doyoung’s eyes. He knows that’s a weakness for the younger, and he loved the reaction he gets right after. 

Doyoung cleared his throat while rolling his eyes once again for the day, attempting to look annoyed to cover his sudden light blush. God, he hated whenever Taeyong does that. He still couldn’t get used to it even after a year of dating him. As much as he wanted to go out with Taeyong again, to start it all over again, and maybe, just maybe to start a family with him, he couldn’t. He could never match with Yuta, and he accepts it. 

“Do you want to go skating with me?” The sudden question made Doyoung’s invisible bunny ears perk up, Taeyong definitely could see it. The last time they ever went skating together was the third week since they went out. Doyoung accepted the offer with a small nod, looking away to hide his face but his red ears were as visible as ever.

And just with that, Taeyong pulled a few cash out of his wallet and slammed it on the table while pulling Doyoung’s hand to rush outside the cafe. Taeyong looked back at Doyoung, smiling softly at him while the younger could feel his eyes tearing up. 

Doyoung missed this.

The younger smiled back and nodded, muttering a quiet response under his breath, 

“Let’s skate together again, hyung.”

==

“Yay, we’re back in Korea!” Sicheng shouted cheerfully, always so joyful around his close friends and so unashamed in public. 

“Winwin put your bags in the damn boot, I wanna eat samgyeopsal now!” Jaehyun complained, he had been craving for it even before he got on the flight from the USA. Yuta smiled seeing his friends as always fighting their ass off over such small things but it didn’t matter, although sometimes it would be fucking annoying to him.

Yuta sighed, he really didn't want to go back to Korea. Everything reminds him of Taeyong, everything. From the sight of the snow falling on the ground, the streets, he wanted it to stop. But just like the little bitch his mind and his heart is, he couldn’t let it go.

‘It’s already 5 years, Yuta. He’s probably with someone else right now and not even thinking of you, but here you are.’ Yuta looked down at his shoes, the same one that Taeyong gave him for their 3rd anniversary that matches with the older’s as it was a couple item. He smiled, thinking of the anniversary dates they had that would always end up with Taeyong on top of him in a hotel, if not their apartment. A drop of tear fell on his left shoe and he immediately regained focus on his friends who’s busy pushing their stuff inside the narrow taxi boot. 

“Alright, let’s go eat!” 

++

“Wah, skating is so tiring!” Taeyong chugged the water hoping it would itch the thirst away. It’s been a while since the last time he skated, and not to mention he didn’t even exercise in the past few years. So, thanks to that, his body is in excruciating pain. 

Doyoung chuckled at Taeyong’s actions, a mocking one at that. 

“I’ve told you to be more active, didn’t I? Well at least you’re working out those muscles of yours once in a blue moon,” he joked, earning a glare from the older. 

“Anyways, let’s eat now, shall we? I’m so hungry, you forced me to do a whole ass beillman pose earlier, what the hell, hyung!” Doyoung complained how his legs ache from all the stretching he had to do before and only received a laugh from Taeyong as it looked awkward. 

They talked themselves out while consuming their dinner in the restaurant, and it was peaceful as always. Everything feels comfortable with Doyoung, Taeyong would admit it undoubtedly. It wasn’t the first time that Taeyong instantly forgets about all the things that he faced before, and he cherished it. 

A group of boys entered the restaurant, they were so loud that Doyoung averted his gaze to them, and surprisingly, one seemed so familiar, and right when it clicked,

Doyoung gasped, looking at Taeyong who’s completely unaware of what’s going on.

And before Doyoung could stop him from looking back, it was too late.

Taeyong dropped his chopsticks on the floor, he could feel his whole heart swimming into its grave.

“Y-Yuta…?”


	2. Stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They keep pushing and pulling PLEASE

“Ah, Jaehyun-hyung! You’re so annoying, stop squishing my cheeks! It hurts!” Sicheng cried out as his cheeks were already turning into a dark red. Jaehyun is such a tease, -even in bed. But that’s their little secret that no one knows, including Yuta who merely thought they were just friends, at least that’s what they thought.

“But that’s no redder than your face below me,” Jaehyun teased quietly but just enough for 'Sicheng' to hear it. And that alone sent the younger shivering while clenching onto Jaehyun’s shirt.

“Ugh, what the fuck, guys…” Yuta judged from behind, sending them a fake gag. Yuta had known about their relationship since like, forever. Firstly, he’s not even that stupid to begin with, because their apartment’s walls aren’t that thick to trap loud fucking moans that keeps Yuta up at night.

And secondly, as if Yuta couldn’t see their actions in public even if he tried not to. Exhibitionists, he thinks. Sicheng and Jaehyun really didn’t know how to hide their relationship well, -and keeping their hands off each other in public. Totally didn’t burn his eyes every time he catches Sicheng palming Jaehyun’s clothed dick under the table during lunch whenever he walked away to get something.

“Ah, hyung. We uh-” They tried to come up with an excuse before getting cut by Yuta, who’s already tired with their bullshits. “Don’t worry, I already fucking know. And don’t you dare ask me how, you nasty people.” And both of them gasped, thinking what they did wrong before that got Yuta caught them in 4K.

‘Nasty people?’ Jaehyun knows Yuta is just as nasty as they are, maybe even more when it comes to Taeyong. But he just couldn’t bring that up, who knows Yuta might be crying for another week. He definitely never moved on, Jaehyun didn’t have to be told. Just by looking into his wardrobe, you would be glued to the floor by the amount of stuff he still keeps and wears that all came from Taeyong.

“Alright, let’s just get inside any restaurant, please. I’m like really starving now,” Sicheng didn’t care about it anymore cause if they’re busted, there's nothing they can do. It's no use crying over spilled milk. The only thing he can change for now is the grumble from his empty stomach.

They walked inside a restaurant with very few people eating as it was getting closed, but they love eating in empty restaurants. Nothing's loud but them.

And as they walked to get a table, a loud sound of metallic chopsticks fell down hard on the floor. And that basked their attention.

Yuta couldn't believe the person that crossed his line of sight. He thought his mind was playing with him but it felt too real. The expression on the person's face felt so real, Yuta wanted to rush out of the restaurant and book a flight to the end of the world. But he's just standing there, halted as his eyes began tearing up with so many emotions overpowering his mind.

"Ah- Yuta-hyung," Jaehyun knew exactly what Yuta feels right now, and it hurts him too. Taeyong used to be not only his, but also Sicheng's closest of friends. They used to have lunch together after classes with Taeyong's unique humor that always have them laughing on the floor, and he missed it. 

He wanted to kill Yuta when he asked them to break up with Taeyong, to stay away from Sicheng and Jaehyun himself, and to stay away from their family. But who is he to meddle in their relationship. Plus, he didn’t even know well enough about what Yuta and Taeyong have been through these times, but even if he did, it still doesn’t give him the privilege to choose how their relationship works. He got hurt, but he knows Yuta has the deepest wound that will certainly never heal. He knows Yuta will have to live with it and bear with it for the rest of his life.

Taeyong stood up, he wanted to hug, to kiss, to say that he missed Yuta so much that he started crying and sobbing but Doyoung stopped him before he could take a step. Doyoung pulled his hand to try to hug him, to comfort him from all the mixed emotions Taeyong's going through, to stop him from getting hurt again. He didn't want that night to happen again.

And he's not taking any risk, not anymore.

Yuta ran outside with his eyes leaking with so much tears, laying on some brick wall while covering his wet face. He thought if he went back to Korea, the worst he could get is just the flashing memories he would see in familiar places and scents. But now, he's breaking down right next to a restaurant after he saw Lee fucking Taeyong eating with some cute guy that looks like a fucking bunny on the first night he got back.

"Yuta-hyung! Hyung!" Sicheng and Jaehyun shouted in a distance, trying to find Yuta but they immediately ran towards him when they heard loud sobs.

"Hyung, ar- are you okay?" Jaehyun asked with his eyes flooding with tears, scared of what's going to happen. "Are you fucking kidding me, Jeffrey?" Sicheng slapped his arms, hoping that Jaehyun would realize what state the older was in. “Hyung-ah, it’s just Taeyong-hyung…” Sicheng tried to comfort him, just earlier he was laughing with them and now he’s crying like this. 

+

“Taeyong-hyung,” Doyoung voiced. Taeyong was crying on his shoulder on the floor and if getting attention was a sport, they’d be the poster in the restaurant. Although there were only around 5 other strangers eating there, all of them came checking up on Taeyong who’s crying quietly but along with a concerning amount of loud sobs. 

“Is he okay? What happened?” A woman asked worriedly, shocked by the sudden change of atmosphere. “He- He just saw his ex and-” Doyoung had no idea how to explain, and Taeyong finally started to slow down his cries. “His ex? What did they do to you that made you like this…” The restaurant manager was there, too. The attention was a bit too much for Doyoung and Taeyong, so Doyoung got up and helped the other walk his way out. 

“Ah! Mister, I’m sorry I forgot to pay-” Doyoung turned around to reach for his wallet in his pocket, but he halted when he received a response from the manager. “Ah, please it’s fine, you don’t have to pay! It’s a treat for both of you,” The manager gave a smile before continuing. “Take care of him,” Doyoung felt warmth in his heart, never in his life that he ever heard that sentence. He had always felt that he had to protect Taeyong, his only Taeyong.

“Y-Yuta, I wanna see him! Where is he?!” Taeyong tried to push Doyoung away, his eyes roaming his surroundings and he smiled sadly when he stopped at someone.

“Hyung! Stop being a bitch and control yourself!” Doyoung cried, he couldn't let go of Taeyong's hands. He knew one day this would happen, but this is too soon. He didn't want to let Taeyong go now. 

Doyoung cried and clenched Taeyong's shirt, and that made the other stop struggling. "Hyung... Please don't go..." Taeyong bit his lip, thinking of how selfish he is. 

'This is why you could never be with Yuta.'

Taeyong hugged Doyoung who cried while wrapping his arms around Taeyong's waist. Everybody was crying. What a night, Taeyong thinks. He knows he and Doyoung would be a good couple, he knows Doyoung loves him too. But he never deserved both Doyoung and Yuta. They never deserved such a greedy and selfish man. -Yet both Doyoung and Yuta still loves him. 

Taeyong knows he should never go back to Yuta.


	3. 'Dear God, please make this last forever.'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback on Yuta's 21st birthday and that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short flashback but I promise chapter 4 will be longer than this!

[26TH OCTOBER 2015]

Yuta woke up to ‘Paris In The Rain’ playing outside his room. He looked beside him just to see that Taeyong wasn’t there beside him. But instead, he found a little yellow note on the nightstand that said,

“Yu-yu, happy birthday, my love. Come outside when you’re fully awake, I don’t want to see my birthday boy fall asleep while blowing the candle:)”

Yuta smiled when he saw the little smiley face Taeyong drew at the bottom of the note. He shifted from the bed and gasped when he saw a path of roses that led to the door out of the room. Taeyong wasn’t usually romantic, but he’s always full of surprises. That was one of his charms and Yuta had never felt so lucky in his life. Taeyong wasn’t even gay when he first met him, but eventually, love bloomed deep inside their heart.

The Japanese man opened the door slowly and followed the path of roses to the living room. And when he finally stood at the end of the path, he felt immense happiness and shock when he saw Taeyong holding a small, fluffy, and cute Bichon Frise dog. A fucking Bee-shawn Free-say dog.

“Oh my god, Yongie! What is this?!” Yuta ran towards him to hold the dog, his favorite breed of dogs. Yuta then suddenly remembered the promise Taeyong made way back on their second date that they’ll start a family with his favorite dog. And he started crying with joy.

"Ah, Yu-yu, now's not the time to cry, babe," Taeyong pinched the other's cheeks, he smiled softly when Yuta pouted back.

"Cake?" he continued. Yuta looked at the table and saw a yellow cake decorated with colorful frosting. "Holy shit, Lee Taeyong sir- Vintage-themed cake?" Yuta SQUEAKED, he LOVES retro and vintage aesthetics. It reminds him of his childhood days where he used to collect old american vinyl records and outfits from the 60s fashion. He might have grown up in a Japanese family, but his american grandfather was and still his source of inspiration.

"Daegal," Taeyong smiled when he heard that. He didn't need any context to understand what Yuta said, because once again back on their second date, they already planned to name their dog, Daegal.

Taeyong took the cake with lighted candles in front of Yuta's face as the other's hands were accompanied for holding Daegal. Yuta closed his eyes and made a wish inside his heart.

'Dear God, please make this last forever.'

And he opened his eyes, staring back at Taeyong's. They enjoyed the warm and comfortable silence blasting inside the living room, and Daegal's presence made it even better. Lee Taeyong is the reason he looks forward to tomorrow, Lee Taeyong is the reason he took a step in life, and Lee Taeyong is the reason he wanted god to give him another breath, another second, another day, and another chance to live his life.

And then he finally blew the candles.

[18TH NOVEMBER 2016]

“Yuta, I can’t believe you did this to me!” Their whole house was a complete mess.

Ripped pillows and their closet utterly empty, their clothes blending in with the shattering glasses from broken vases. 

Taeyong was shouting, and Yuta was crying while hugging Daegal.

“You misunderstood! I didn’t sleep with him, Yongie!” Yuta tried to clear him, but it backfired. 

“Misunderstood? I’m not naive, Yuta. I fucking saw you on the bed naked with some stranger, on our bed, Yuta!!” Taeyong couldn’t hold his tears. He just got back from his trip with Johnny from France, and before he could surprise Yuta with the goods he bought, he saw it. 

“I- I was drunk yesterday, Yongie,” Yuta confessed. 

He muttered an ‘I’m sorry,’ quietly and rushed outside the apartment with Daegal, leaving Taeyong all alone.

And a week after ghosting Taeyong, Yuta decided to… 

Break up. 

=

“Yuta-hyung, are you being serious right now?” Jaehyun couldn’t believe what Yuta just told him. He thought it was just some prank that the boys might be pulling on him, but Yuta's exhausted, sad and pale face convinced him otherwise. 

The japanese man nodded slowly, he made up his mind. Last night he didn’t sleep at all because he cried, shouted, and cursed himself for the mistake he made. If only he didn’t drink that one fucking night, maybe he’s on the bed, sleeping peacefully with Taeyong while sandwiching Daegal in between them. 

“Yeah, I’ll break up with him.”


End file.
